The Deadshot Chronicles, Vol. 1: Calm Before the Storm

#1
   Major Deadshot looks around the Main Hangar with suspcious eyes. "Things are quiet," he says, "Too quiet."
   All around him, troopers are going about their business as usual. Some of them are chatting, others practicing Climb SWEP, and a few look at him awkwardly, wondering why he's just looking around like a moron.
   Deadshot chuckles to himself. "Oh yeah, something's going on. Something that only a badass like me can fix."
   And thus, Major Deadshot set out to find the trouble which his "badass senses" are detecting.

   Captain Lee sits at his desk, sleeping on it after giving up on trying to do paperwork. He has more important things to do than actual engineer work. Besides, Corgi had made him replace a lightbulb earlier, and that was very hard and very tiring. All he needs right now, in his opinion, is a nice, long nap.
   Unfortunately, a loud explosion wakes him, and his head shoots straight up. Drool drips from his sexy lips. "Huh...?" he groans.
   Santos, his second-in-command, bursts into the office. "Lee! Zombie's on fire!"
   Lee blinks a few times. "Okay..."
   "And the engine is too!"
   His eyes shoot wide open. "My baby!" He barges out of his office and runs out to assess the scene. By the time he gets there, it's too late! There's already a mere modicum of damage to his dear, sweet reactor! He grabs a fire extinguisher and immediately starts spraying out the fire (which only appears to be about the size of a candle, but is nevertheless too much for Lee to fathom touching his engine)!
   "Grab an extinguisher and helps me you cavemen!" Lee cries out to his other engineers, who are currently busy trying to play some improvised game of horseshoes.
   "Ah ha!" the world's most obnoxious voice calls out. The sheer disgusting quality of it is enough to send shivers down the backs of everyone nearby, and Lee cannot help but cringe as he realizes who it belongs to. "Captain Lee! Care to explain why the engine is on fire?" 'Major' Deadshot inquires.
   Lee's eyebrow twitches. He forces himself to smile, as he turns back to his 'superior.' "Oh, Major Deadshot!" he says, "I don't know why the engine is on fire, I just know that it is. Now if you excuse me-"
   "Not so fast, captain!"
   Lee looks annoyed now. "What do you want, Deadshot?"
   Deadshot points an accusing finger. "I bet it was you who set this fire!"
   "Nope." Lee, now more than ever, wants to just get back to his office and sleep again. Nobody likes Deadshot.
   "You aren't fooling me, Captain Lee!" Deadshot cries out. "You gamemaker types are always trying to trick us! 
Even if Captain Lee didn't set this fire then I'm sure it was something you did!"
   "Oh yeah? And how did I set this fire?"
   "You switched to that one guy you always play as in your events!"
   "Who?"
   "The sex robot!"
   "Nope."
   "Then the rail guy!'
   "Nope."
   "Then you were playing as one of the rail guy's henchman!"
   "Please leave me alone." Lee turns back to the fire and tosses a blanket over it, suffocating it. At this point he doesn't care for any fun solutions, like using a fire extinguisher. "I'm going to go back to sleep."
   Deadshot narrows his eyes. "I'll be watching you, captain."

   For the next hour or so, Lee rests at his desk as he had done before. This time, though, he awakens after hearing what appears to be Santos' voice (or rather, lack thereof, as he doesn't use his mic until Vol. 52). "Oh, Santos. You wouldn't believe what kind of a dream I just had."
   "Now isn't the time for that, Lee... Something's happened..." Santos responds nervously.
   "No, no. Hear me out. It was crazy."
   "No, really Lee. You need to-"
   "Just real quick."
   "Lee, this is important-"
   "I dreamt that we had different armor, and like I was a purple dude with a weird mask. And like-"
   "The ship, Lee... it's been-"
   "SANTOS!" Lee finally yells. "SHUT THE FUCK FRICK UP FOR A SECOND AND LISTEN TO ME!"
   Santos shrinks.
   "Anyways, as I was saying, ASSHOLE. I was like wearing this weird armor, and it was all purple and stuff, but kinda weird like almost a mix between maroon and purple. I think it's an omen that we're going to get combat engineers soon! But maybe it's a bad omen, because I was actually acting serious for once in my life... and that's pretty fucked messed up."
   Santos blinks a few times. "Is... is that all, Lee?"
   "I think so, yeah."
   "Well... we're kind of stranded in an interdimensional warp..."
   "Eh?"
   "Yeah... Deadshot came up with some bullshit dumb excuse to storm the engine room with his wolfpack... then he made us stop playing horseshoes... and then the engine room somehow got torn off from the rest of the ship and we've been stuck in this weird warping state for a while now."
   "I see." Lee remains unfazed. "Well, tell me when the event's over. I don't really want to participate anyways."
   "Alright," Santos says. He makes his way to the door.
   "Oh, and make sure Jawa doesn't try jumping into the warp-wormhole-thing!" Lee adds before Santos exits. Another hour or so passes, and when next Lee is disturbed it's by Deadshot charging into his office.
   "Dammit, captain! Would you knock this off already?!" he demands.
   "Knock what off?"
   "I have to do training for my wolfpack! Just end this dumb event already!"
   "I'm not hosting this event. Some other person is causing all this."
   "There's nobody else on! It's just my wolfpack and your engineers! You're the only one who could possibly be hosting this garbage!"
   Lee exhales. He brings up the tab menu and sees that, indeed, only his engineers and Dumbfuck's Deadshot's wolfpack are online. He squints his eyes. "Huh, you aren't lying."
   "Are you really still trying to play dumb?!"
   Lee shrugs and yawns. "Look man, we both know that I couldn't try playing dumb in front of the master of being dumb himself. It'd be like trying to make jokes to a clown."
   "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME, CAPTAIN?!" Deadshot barks out violently. He starts stomping around like a toddler throwing a fit, when suddenly there's a strong quaking and a loud boom! Next thing Lee knows, everything begins floating upwards. He then realizes that things aren't just floating upwards, they're freefalling downwards, as the whole engine room begins falling from the sky.
   "Looks like we finally exited the warp-thing!" Lee exclaims, fastening the seatbelt on his office chair. He knew one day this invention would come in handy.
   Deadshot tries to say something, but he flies upwards and hits the ceiling, fortunately going unconscious before managing to say anything else. Unfortunately, though, the blunt force trauma to his head isn't enough to kill him.
   There's a great crash as the engine room makes contact with the ground, and when all becomes quiet again, Lee gets up from his office chair and walks out to see the situation. He sees his engineers have all huddled into a convenient "safety pod," which seems to have protected them from the fall. Outside that pod, though, he sees a bunch of... what the hell? Are those... are those monkeys? Oh wait, no. They're Deadshot's wolfpack, unconscious and dying. Huh. Anyways, the wolfpack are sprawled around the pod, looking as if they were desperately trying to get inside. It's a good thing they couldn't.
   Lee walks up to the pod and knocks on it. "Come on, engineers. Let's go survey the damage."
   One by one, his engineers file out.
   "So who made this thing?" Lee asks.
   "Duke did," Jawa says.
   Lee nods. "That means I have to hate it." He looks to Duke as he steps out of the pod. "Fuck you I love you, Duke."
   "Why can't you just appreciate what I do for this battalion..." Duke sighs.
   Lee organizes his men and loads them into a large transport vehicle he's made recently. It's big as hell, and it's, in Lee's eyes, an engineering marvel. "This will make the perfect test run for this bad boy!"
   "Is this thing safe?" Jawa asks from the back.
   "Sure it is!" Lee says. "It's a diesel!" He then presses down hard on the gas, and the transport bursts out of the engine room.

   "What's it look like in there?" Marshal Commander Howl asks over the comms.
   "One second... we're uh, almost in." Colonel Sleeper responds.
   The wall then explodes outwards, and from it comes a massive, smoke-billowing transport! It runs over some helpless 212th sergeant, before speeding off ahead.
   "I think we just hit something!" Duke cries from inside. "Or someone!"

   "It doesn't matter, don't think about it!" Lee responds, his foot still firmly pressed all the way down on the gas.
   Colonel Sleeper scrambles to get back on the comms. "It's some sort of truck-thing!"
   "Truck-thing?" Howl repeats. "Have your 41st continue looking inside the wreckage with 104th... The other battalions can take care of the truck."
   Back in the driver seat of the transport, things are getting heated. "There's a whole blockade of soldiers ahead!" Santos cries out. "You've gotta swerve or something! You're gonna kill us!"
   "No backing down!"
   "Lee, they look kinda familiar, though!"
   "NO BACKING DOWN!"
   Up ahead, 501st are set up, ready to meet the transport head-on.
   "I think they're clones!" Santos continues.
   "No way! They're probably Valu's guys or something! Corgi's just fucking messing with us!" Lee somehow manages to press the gas down even harder. "Ramming speed!"
   Major Dank rests his rocket launcher on his shoulder and aims for the lower half of the transport, right where the wheels are. "Get out of the way, you idiots!" he says to everyone nearby. "You're gonna get blown up!"
   He fires.
   The rocket spirals through the air and collides with the ground just below the transport. It sends the transport flying on its side, the wheels now blasted into gnarls and twists of metal. Unlike his office chair, Lee forgot to install a seatbelt in his transport, and so is sent flying as the vehicle briefly goes airborne. He smacks down onto the ground as it lands sideways.
   Lee sits up groggily.
"Ugh... remind me to never make a diesel again."

   "I don't think that was the issue..." Santos mutters, sitting himself up as well. "I'm pretty sure you ran over a clone."
   "No way!" Lee remains adamant. "They didn't even have the right armor! I swear, this is just Corgi's edgy army of Valu robot things!"
   Santos exhales, before looking to the rear cabin of the vehicle. "Everyone OK?"
   "Yes..." Duke groans. "Well... maybe not. Zombie's not moving."
   "Who?"
   "Your favorite engineer."
   "OH! ZOMBIE!"
   "Yeah, he's not moving."
   "That's okay. It's not like we have anything to worry about. Things like fractures and bleeding don't exist in this world, so we can just heal him right up if we-"
   "He's bleeding."
   "What." Lee crawls into the rear cabin, with Santos close behind him. He sees Zombie laying limp, a few bones sticking out of him and blood gushing out from various points in his body. "WHAT."
   "Who'd ever think of having fractures and stuff? That's just annoying!" Santos exclaims.
   "And morbid!" Jawa adds.
   "And cruel!" Tracker adds as well.
   Everyone looks to Tracker. "Who are you?" they all ask in tandem.
   Tracker begins crying. He never asked to be the least memorable engineer (and yet he was one of the few officers, even).
   "Anyways, I'm sure Zombie will be fine!" Lee states. "I'm gonna get another vehicle spawned in and give these edgelords a piece of my mind!" He begins crawling over to where the exit is, but finds the door to be ripped off before he can even get to it. Flashlights pour in, and voices appear.
   "Don't move!" Major Dank yells out.
   "YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME, PUNK?!" Lee shouts, pushing up his sleeve.
   Dank begins shooting at the ground around Lee, causing him to do a little panic dance.
   "Ok! Ok!" Lee cries out. "Stop shooting, you prick! I'll listen!"
   "Just shut up and stop moving!"
   "What are you even supposed to be? Some wanna-be Necro?"
   "STOP TALKING!"
   Another helmeted soldier appears, poking their head in. "That voice sounds awfully familiar," they say. Their helmet, Lee notes, is orange like the 212th. But the design is all wrong! "Is that... Lee?"
   "Who the hell are you?" Lee asks.
   "It's me, Elios!"
   "Okay, asshole. Like I know who that is."
   Elios looks injured by that statement. He shines his flashlight around and looks to the other engineers. "So... is this what it looked like before I became an engineer? Is that Santos?"
   "Who actually are you?" Santos asks as well.
   Elios looks even more injured.
   Dank shoves Elios aside. "Okay, enough of this! I don't care who you guys are, but engineers got removed a while ago! There's no use trying to trick us, you know!"
   "Engineers can't get removed, asshole sir." Lee states.
   "Yeah!" Jawa stands up. "We're, like, the most important battalion!"
   "Just get out of there already! And keep your hands where I can see them!" Dank orders them. They do as he says, and line up against the side of the transport with their hands raised over their heads.
   "I don't remember being able to surrender like this," Santos notes.
   Lee looks annoyed. "No one told me we were getting an update... I'm an admin for crying out loud!"
   Dank and his 501st stand off a ways, with Dank himself speaking into his comms for an extended length of time. After a moment, some other strange soldiers walk up to confront the engineers. One of them wears the same strange armor that the other soldiers do, except his has green on it.
   "Yo," he says, "Why's this guy got my name?"
   Santos blinks. "You're talking to me?"
   "Bruh."
   Lee takes a moment to register what's going on. He then sees the name atop this new soldier reads "Santos," and the gears begin moving in his head. "Wait... you're named Santos too..."
   "I am Santos!" the soldier exclaims.
   "What." Santos says.
   "THAT'S WHAT YOU SOUND LIKE?" Lee turns to Santos. "YOU SOUND LIKE YOU PLAY MINECRAFT!" He begins laughing uncontrollably.
   "I-I don't sound like that!" Santos tries to defend himself. "I've never even used my mic before! This isn't me!"
   "Bruh...." new Santos says once more.
   Another soldier walks up, this one dressed in the same purplish-maroon armor that Lee dreamt of. He just stares at Lee for a moment.
   Lee sees him. "You're the guy in my dream! You're wearing the armor I was!"
   The soldier sighs. "You're loud, obnoxious, and a minge..." He facepalms. "Yep... you're me."
   "Huh?"
   "You're me, you idiot! How have you not caught on yet? You guys are in the future!"
   "The future?" Lee repeats. "But I would never join a combat battalion! Engineers for life!"
   "First of all, engineers are useless!" new Lee shouts. "Second of all- ENGINEERS HAVE BEEN GONE FOREVER!"
   "Then..."
   "Then you're the last engineers!"
   Lee chokes up slightly. "I... I need time to process this."
   New Lee looks to the other engineers. "Haven't seen you freaks in long time."
   "You're an asshole, new Lee!" Jawa cries out.
   "I'm so glad you're not so loud anymore..." new Lee says back. He then looks to Lee. "By the way, you jackasses brought a scourge upon us... You had no right bringing him with you."
   "Who?"
   "You know who. You know what you've done." New Lee begins to tremble slightly. "You brought... D-Deadshot back."
   "He survived?"
   "Unfortunately... and now he's going to be the main character of these stupid gag stories!"
   "Huh?"
   New Lee looks to the camera. "Who the hell even wants to read about some old-ass wolfpack officer who couldn't tell his ass from his blaster!"
   Lee shrugs. "I guess we'll find out when the next one comes out!" He looks to the camera as well now. "What a wacky crazy cliff-hanger ending! How will the old clones interact with the news ones? How will Deadshot survive if nobody recognizes him and the wolfpack don't constantly stroke his ego? How am I going to bring engineers back-"
   "You're not bringing them back."
   "I AM BRINGING ENGINEERS BACK, AND NO ONE- NOT EVEN MY FUTURE SELF- IS GOING TO STOP ME!"
   New Lee facepalms. "I only hope that no more people get sucked in from the past."
   Another wormhole then appears in the distance, and a section of a Venator falls out from it.

   To be continued...
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#2
Fucking legendary.
Discord: Sparks#9472
Steam: Ace (STEAM_0:0:6025223)
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#3
Bruh

RIP that horseshoe game I made :(
Spoiler: ?
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#4
Yup
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#5
This is a thing that now exists.... And it starts with me being murdered by my brother. How fitting.

Edit: Alright... It doesn't say it was modified after my post.. but suddenly Sleeper wasn't killed.
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#6
Can there be a scene in the next one where Deadshot asks, "So, when do I become wolffe?" and literally all the 104th officers just stare at him blankly.
~ Ex-Admin, Experienced Gamemaker(And at one time, Head-Admin) of SBS Clone Wars RP ~

~ Ex-Community Supervisor and Ex-Head Gamemaker of Vector Gaming (Clone Wars RP and First Order RP)~ 

< Led the 501st Legion for nearly 10 months as Captain Rex on the original SBS Clone Wars RP > 

- Currently 501st Commander on SBS CWRP -

- Currently SBS CWRP Server Manager-

The OG 501st Legion: 
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#7
Lmao
Veteran 104th Wolfpack Member
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